Terry Pratchett Announces He Has Alzheimers

All over the internet yesterday was the news that the author of the Discworld series of books, Terry Pratchett, has announced on his website that he is suffering from early onset alzheimers. Mr Pratchett instructed that this statement should be taken as 'I'm not dead!'

The open letter on his site entitled 'An Embuggerance' stated that 'there was time for a few new books' and 'Frankly I would prefer it if people kept things cheerful.'

My son obliged Mr Pratchett when he was informed of the news by announcing 'Well, that should make for an interesting couple of novels.'

We wish Terry all the best....Ook!

Couldn't Have Christmas Without Muppets!

From the 1992 'Muppet Christmas Carol'

Barrys Christmas Request

Although this song is one of the ones that has re-entered the charts, I'm going to put it up for Barry anyway cos it's a good song.

The Pogues and Kirsty McColl - Fairytale of New York.

Giant Spider Attacks Space Shuttle

Despite NASA telling us all it was a fault with the 'fuel sensors' that prevented the launch of Atlantis on Sunday, the internet has once again provided us with actual evidence that we are being lied to!

Footage has shown that the real reason for the delay was an attack from a giant spider!

The Eldritch horror launched a minute long attack on the space vessel in order to drain it of it's life-force. These cosmic arachnids are obviously preparing for all out war!

You have been warned.

He Disappeared To Protect His Secret.....

He disappeared to protect his secret. He changed his name and started a new life. He thought he was safe...

I think I see you Jack....lol

Gamestation reciept brought home by my son today.

Days Like This...

My Christmas Classics

When I read this article on the BBC I was quite happy to see some good old christmas songs back in the charts instead of all those 'talent' show winners.

There were, however, a few glaring omissions.

I shall be rectifying that in the days to come - starting tonight with Bing Crosby and David Bowie with 'Little Drummer Boy'

Girl In A Box

Mario Ambrosius

Putting The FSM Back In Chrifsmas....

Downlaodable poster from The Church of the FSM

Christmas Blockbusters - Japanese Style!

Here's the trailer for Noboru Igushi’s forthcoming feature machine girl (aka "The One-Armed Machine Girl," aka "Kataude Mashin Gâru"). The eaturing "yakuza ninjas, flying guillotines, a drill bra, a Japanese teenage schoolgirl," and lotsa blood,

The Meme T-Shirt Of The Year

You need to print this onto a shirt as soon as you can - and give it to your Grandmother for christmas.

(via)

If you're not sure what it's about

click here

Dekochari Art Bikes

For decades in Japan, dekochari (deko means “decoration” and chari means “bicycle”) have been the ride of choice for hardcore dekotora fans that are too young to drive. Modeled after Japan’s celebrated art trucks, dekochari typically feature large front bumpers, ornate luggage racks, rear-mounted boxes that resemble truck trailers, colorful paint jobs, lots of chrome, and sophisticated electric light displays. This video pieces together random night scenes from Dekochari Yarou, a documentary that profiles a few dekochari enthusiasts and their custom rides.

The soundtrack is “Ichiban-boshi Blues” (sung by Bunta Sugawara and Kinya Aikawa), the theme song from the Torakku Yarou movie series that sparked Japan’s dekotora craze in the ’70s.

Christmas Cute Overload

Too cute for words...

Yet Again....May I Present...

Every time I put this up it's been taken down (copyright...blah blah) within days. I've now safely downloaded it so it will stay here always...as it should.

Ladies and Gentlemen and Cheese Pirates

A Gentlemans Duel.

Bend Over Backwards

Patrick Stewart

As Oberon....

And as Jean Luc Picard

TNG: Chain Of Command (part 2)

'Torture has never been a reliable means of extracting information. It is ultimately self-defeating as a means of control. One wonders why it is still practiced.' - JLP

One Serious Game Of Cat And Mouse

Cartman Presents....

Eric Cartman - Oh holy night
Uploaded by laingui

Religion, Big Yellow Teapots and Kevin Ayers

Wtf is the connection between the three, you may ask?

Quite simple really.

The flying Spaghetti Monster which some of you may, or may not, have heard me praise, was based (loosely) on the concept of Russells Teapot (or the Celestial Teapot) an analogy first brought to public attention by Bertrand Russell in 1952.

'If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.'

From there, I started to think about cosmic teapots and I remembered that Gong (the band) used to have one.

I looked up Gong on Youtube (I did this when I first got online all those years ago and there was no mention of them whatsoever so I wasn't expecting much) but lo and behold - there it was. And - not only did I get Gong but an almost forgotten idol in the form of Kevin Ayers. A man with hands so big he never needed to move in order to play guitar!

So here it is - the ultimate in FSM glory!

Gong - guest starring Kevin Ayers in 1994 with 'Lady Rachel'

Evel Knievel Has Leapt His Last

Evel Knievel has jumped his last, leaped the void, rocketed off this mortal coil!

His death at the age of just 69 was announced today by his grand-daughter.

He had been ill for some time.

I remember growing up with Evel. I watched his stunts on TV and was even the proud owner of the Evel Knievel stunt bike toy!

I'm surprised how sad I am at his passing.

RIP Evel.

Dog In A Can

A three-month-old puppy had to be rescued after he got his head stuck in a metal watering can.
Ted, a chocolate Labrador, got himself trapped in the can while playing in a back garden on Wednesday afternoon.
Hampshire fire service's specialist animal rescue team was brought in to release Ted.
They had to cut away the watering can using bolt cutters, after initial attempts to free Ted using a hacksaw blade failed.
Anton Phillips, watch manager, said: "... The watering can fitted like a glove around Ted's head and great care had to be taken to keep the pet calm.
"Thankfully we were able to swiftly release Ted's head and he bounded away safely from his ordeal with no ill effects."

BBC Story

Bad Sex Awards

The 14th annual Bad Sex Awards took place tonight.

Awarded by Literary Review magazine they aim to

'discourage authors from writing such accounts.'

The award is given to the passage considered to be the most redundant in an otherwise excellent novel.

Among the nominations this year was my particular favourite - Christopher Rush with this passage from his book 'Will' about the life of the young William Shakespeare:

O glorious pubes! The ultimate triangle, whose angles delve to hell but point to paradise. Let me sing the black banner, the blackbird’s wing, the chink, the cleft, the keyhole in the door. The fig, the fanny, the cranny, the quim – I’d come close to it now, this sudden blush, this ancient avenue, the end of all odysseys and epic aim of life, pulling at my prick now, pulling like a lodestone.
Anne Hathaway’s cow-milking fingers, cradling my balls in her almond palm, now took pity on the poor anguished erection, and in the infinite agony of her desire, guided it to the quick of the wound. At the same time I searched wildly with the fingers of my left hand, groping blind as Cyclops, found the pulpy furred wetness, parted the old lips of time and slipped my middle finger into the sancta sanctorum. It welcomed me with soft sucking sounds, syllables older than language, solace lovelier than words. She pulled my hand away, positioned the prick, slid her buttocks deep into the grass, raised her thighs back high, crossed her legs behind my back, dug her heels into my spine and hauled at me savagely and hard. I fell into her.

- Oh my!

The award this year went to Norman Mailor for The Castle In The Forest -

'His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety.'

Quick - Call In Bomb Disposal !!

from Groovyageofhorror (via)

Pinky And The Brain - Tongue Twister

There are some voice artists out there that really have to work for their money!!

Magnificent Weapons Of The Past

I could be talking about the manservant of the King of Spain (Circa 1780) but I'm not.

This magnificent weapon is a Trebuchet.

(Catapult to you and me.)

I've seen one of these in action at Caerphilly Castle. I also know quite a few people who'd like one of these in their back garden...

...sort out the bloody neighbours cats wouldn't it?

Enjoy then this wonderful man - with his wonderful weapon.

Pretend To Be A Time Traveller Day

Ok - so this should have been up yesterday like I promised - but - as much as I hate to burst your bubbles - I am not Superwoman! (Shit - getting too old even to call myself 'supergirl )

Anyhoo - on to the subject in the title -

On the 8th December 2007 it will be -

(sound of drum roll)

PRETEND TO BE A TIME TRAVELLER DAY

Cool.

Remember 'Talk like a pirate day'?
Well - it's a bit like that - which means that - yes - your workmates and friends will look at you as if you're insane!
But that's half the fun!!

On this day - you MUST spend the entire day in costume. And in character.

There are three possible options.

OPTION 1 - UTOPIAN FUTURE - Think Star Trek TNG or Twelve Monkeys. If you've ever seen the way 'Futurama' sees the 21st Century - then that's it!
Your job is to dress in rather anarchic clothing and speak in slang from a multitude of eras.
A few examples - Greet people by referring to things that don't yet exist or haven't existed for a long time. Example: "Have you penetrated the atmosphere lately?" "What spectrum will today's broadcast be in?" and "Your king must be a kindly soul!" - Show extreme ignorance in operating regular technology. Pay phones should be a complete mystery (try placing the receiver in odd places). Chuckle knowingly at cell phones.

OPTION 2 - DYSTOPIAN FUTURE - More flexible than the last. It can be any kind of future from Terminator to Blade Runner to Freejack to Mad Max.
The important thing to remember is dress like a crazy person with armor. Black spray painted football pads, high tech visors, torn up trenchcoats and maybe even some dirt here or there. Remember, dystopian future travelers are very startled that they've gone back in time. Some starters: - If you go the "prisoner who's escaped the future" try shaving your head and putting a barcode on the back of your neck. Then stagger around and stare at the sky, as if you've never seen it before. - Walk up to random people and say "WHAT YEAR IS THIS?" and when they tell you, get quiet and then say "Then there's still time!" and run off. - Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell "NOOOOOOOOO" - Stare at newspaper headlines and look astonished. - Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger, along with a phone number and say "In thirty years dial this number. You'll know what to do after that." Then slip away.
OPTION 3 - THE PAST - This one is more for beginners. Basically dress in period clothing (preferably Victorian era) and stagger around amazed at everything. Since the culture's set in place already, you have more of a template to work off of. Some pointers: - Aeroplanes are terrifying. Also, carry on conversations with televisions for a while. - Discover and become obsessed with one trivial aspect of technology, like automatic shop doors. Stay there for hours playing with it. - Be generally terrified of people who are dressed immodestly compared to your era. Tattoos and piecings on women are particularly scary

God - that's a lot of writing

Tired now

So - over the next three weeks I'm going to have a theme - for the three weeks until December 8th i'm gonna do

Past - Present - Future

Starting with

THE PAST

So for the next week I'll be posting stuff relevant to the past (amongst other usual shit)

Feel free to send me any ideas for posts that you have.

A Little Nonsense Now And Zen

When Bankei was preaching at Ryumon temple, a Shinshu priest, who believed in salvation through the repitition of the name of the Buddha of Love, was jealous of his large audience and wanted to debate with him.
Bankei was in the midst of a talk when the priest appeared, but the fellow made such a disturbance that bankei stopped his discourse and asked about the noise.
"The founder of our sect," boasted the priest, "had such miraculous powers that he held a brush in his hand on one bank of the river, his attendant held up a paper on the other bank, and the teacher wrote the holy name of Amida through the air. Can you do such a wonderful thing?"
Bankei replied lightly: "Perhaps your fox can perform that trick, but that is not the manner of Zen. My miracle is that when I feel hungry I eat, and when I feel thirsty I drink."

Japanese Dancing Girl

I thought I'd put this up on here seeings as when I put it up on Liveleak it had over 195,000 views and still counting...lol

My Christmas List

Gotta get me one of these - my little wookie backpack.

He's even got his own little pocket to keep his own little bits in!

$40 from Thinkgeek

Friday Night Top Of The Pops

I know this hasn't been around for a few weeks but I get sidetracked when I'm looking through the songs and just end up with no time to post...sorry..

Back this week though with another three classics:

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

Kula Shaker - Tattva

The Stranglers - Strangle Little Girl

Enjoy your Friday night!

Japunk

ONE - Wonderful Muppet!!

The Count - Remix

For The Geek In All Of Us

Thanks to Sariel for this gemstone of geekiness.

Pong - Tetris - Mortal Kombat - Pokemon - Zelda - Mario -

Heaven!!

Great Reactions To The '2Girls 1Cup' Video

You can look up the original video at your own risk.

If you're unfortunate enough to find it - don't blame me!

http://view.break.com/393477 - Watch more free videos

24 - The Never Aired 1994 Pilot Episode

This is way more than just funny.

Especially for those who remember the good old days of 'dail-up'..lol

24 Pilot Episode

CLICK HERE

For Those Lost

Anthem For Doomed Youth

What passing bells for those who die as cattle?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries for them; no prayers nor bells,
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs, -
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.


What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hand of boys but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.



Wilfred Owen (1893-1918)

We WIll Remember Them

It's What My Readers Always Knew...

Get a Cash Advance

Don't Know What It Is - But I Want One..

The Shephard-Risset Glissando

An aural illusion .

It sounds like a descending tone but it never gets any deeper.

CLICK HERE

Beavis and Butthead - Vaya Con Cornholio

My Christmas List

There's gonna be a few entries with this title in the next few weeks - so keep your eyes open - and - if you feel the urge, you can always buy me one...lol.

This little number is a fully functioning USB vacuum cleaner.

Should sort the small landfill of cookie crumbs, crisps and sherbert that piles up beside my computer.

(Comes complete with invisible fairy who may, or may not, clean your desk while you sleep.)

(via)

Vintage BDSM Movie

CLICK HERE

UPDATE: The old link had stopped working so I've replaced it with a little vintage film of Virginia Bell.

20,000lbs Of Sodium In A Lake

I can't get the embedding to work for this fascinating piece of film.

It features the 1947 disposal of 20,000lbs of metallic sodium into Lake Lenore in Washington State.

CLICK HERE FOR THE FILM

Raw Core

(via)

Vampyre Wars.....

On the assumption that a vampire turns a human into a vampire once a month.

Click on the picture to see a larger image.

(via)

Happy Halloween From 'Robot Chicken'

Halloween Skullpture

(via)

I Have No Idea What It's About - But Happy Halloween..

Steampunk Spider

Just in time for Halloween, something comes along that manages to combine one of my loves - and one of my hates!

This wonderfully crafted arachnid is made out of old scissors by a guy called Christopher Locke.

Pumpkins Galore

If you're looking for a last few ideas on how to get the most unique pumpkin prize tomorrow night - here's one or two you could try..

You could put pigs in it..

You could build one out of lego.....

You could make it into a Dalek.....

Disturbing Nigerian Film Posters

From the country that brought you closer to your unknown royal roots!

(via)

Japanese Ultimate Fetish..

Well - Japanese schoolgirls torturing a male classmate by repeatedly farting in his face is apparently just too much for youtube to handle - so -

as a replacement -

Japanese Ultimate Fetish - 2

This should cheer you up on a Monday night!

3000 Pumpkins

(via)

Terror Blu 105: La Nuova Razza (The New Race)

(via)

That's No Moon - That's A Pumpkin!!

(via)

Gay Bar

Not only do I just generally like this song - but my dogs are in it!

Well - not my dogs - I have two of the same breed.

My gorgeous little Chinese Cresteds.

Nutters - But I luv 'em.

Monty Python Meets Halo - Something About Hamsters..

A Dragon's For Life...Not Just For Christmas

Bad Girl

(via)

A Little Nonsense Now And Zen

Buddha said: "I consider the positions of kings and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest silken robes as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in India as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one's eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nirvana as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons."

Klara And Edda Belly Dancing - Finally Uncensored

I've followed this story on my other blog from the very start.

Finally today the picture was passed as 'decent'

Kerrie Bell, head of the CPS Northumbria South Unit, said: "In order to prove that the photograph is indecent we must be satisfied that contemporary standards of propriety are so different now to what they were in 2001, that it is more likely than not that a court will conclude that the photograph is indecent.
"I am not satisfied that is the case.
"Even if the photograph was now considered to be indecent, a defendant would be able to raise a legitimate defence, given that the photograph was distributed for the purposes of display in a contemporary art gallery after having been deemed not to be indecent by the earlier investigation.
"Accordingly, I am of the opinion that the evidence is insufficient to justify proceedings for offences of possession or distribution of an indecent photograph."

Common sense wins through and a beautiful picture of two sweet children can be viewed with the innocence intended.

Evil Monkey!

In a freak event, the Deputy Mayor of Dehli has been killed by a gang of marauding monkeys.

SS Bajwa died from serious head injuries after falling from his balcony whilst fighting off a group of Rhesus Macaques.

The city has been plagued by the monkeys and last year the government demanded that a solution be found. Langur monkeys, which are larger and more vicious than the macaques have been let loose in the hope that they will chase the smaller ones away. Monkey catchers are also employed to round them up and release them in the jungle.

Culling is not seen as an option in the hindu city as the monkeys are revered as the manifestation of the god 'Hanuman'.

Urban developement has been blamed for destroying the monkeys natural habitat.

SS Bajwa leaves a wife and a son.

Mouse Vs Mouse - The Mickey (Micky) Fight Is On

I've never been a particular lover of Disney. They seem to warp good old family values into a sanitised, politically correct, brave new world-esque pseudo reality.

The breaking point for this feeling came when I was watching 'The Little Mermaid' way back when. I've always loved Hans Christian Anderson and the thought of seeing one of his most popular stories on screen was exciting (ok, I was way too old for Disney by this point but - who cares).

I was greeted on watching, not with the visual and stimulating extavaganza I was expecting but with a dribbling, twisted, drawing that took every single piece of archetypal wisdom and moral and ethical value and lesson and smashed it like a chimney sweep!

So this little article on boing boing today really made my day.

Remember that Simpsons episode where the real Itchy and Scratchy artist sues the cartoon company......

......well read on

"This eBay auction for a rare 1920s "Micky" Mouse toy from the Performo-Toy Company includes an article that looks into the possibility that Disney cheated the Performo-Toy Company out of the character. "

"The events that follow are largely circumstantial, but Middletown historians believe it is likely that Walt Disney borrowed his most creative idea from the Performo-Toy Company. It is known that a mouse toy with the name Micky was being sold in toy stores all over New York City while Disney was visiting. Disney historians say the idea for Mickey Mouse was conceived by Disney while on the train to California, following the stressful New York business trip. The story goes that Disney suggested Mortimer for the name of his mouse character, but his wife Lillian felt Mickey was a more appropriate name. Regardless of how Disney reports the origin of Mickey Mouse, Middletown historians are certain that Micky Mouse originated in Middletown more than a year before he appeared in Hollywood. Was Disney's idea for Mickey Mouse derived from the popular Micky Mouse toy? Before you decide, consider the possibility that Micky Mouse toys were so popular they may have been sold on the train Disney was riding on his way from New York City to Los Angeles.
Micky Mouse, the toy, and Mickey Mouse, the cartoon movie star, coexisted from 1928 to 1931. By 1931, Disney's new animation and sound techniques had launched the cartoon Mickey to superstar status. Walt's brother Roy was put in charge of marketing Mickey Mouse merchandise. One of the items he sold was a toy replica of the cartoon. Mickey and Micky were now competing in the same market. Ironically, they used the Borgfeldt Company, the same distributor Performo-Toy Company had been using for years. The Disney Corporation sued the Performo-Toy Company claiming they took Micky from Disney. The small toy company was no match for the large production company and the courts ordered the Performo-Toy Company to stop all production of the Micky toys and destroy any existing stock. Even catalogs containing Micky had to be destroyed. This tragedy, along with the Great Depression, was enough to put the Performo-Toy Company out of business."

Disneys Mickey Mouse

Performos Micky Mouse

....for those who don't know The Little Mermaid dies in the end! That comes after the wicked witch gives her legs on the provision that every step she takes on land will be like walking on broken glass. And even AFTER she dies (cos she don't get the prince) she is given a child to look after (gaurdian angel type thing) and she will saty a hundred years in limbo for every tear that child cries.

Now THAT'S a fuckin' fairy tale!!!!!

Despite all of that though the Disney Little Mermaid film still has one of my fave songs (see youtube vid below) and one of my favourite 'homage' videos (click this link to view)