Friday, 30 November 2007
Thursday, 29 November 2007
Ted, a chocolate Labrador, got himself trapped in the can while playing in a back garden on Wednesday afternoon.
Hampshire fire service's specialist animal rescue team was brought in to release Ted.
They had to cut away the watering can using bolt cutters, after initial attempts to free Ted using a hacksaw blade failed.
Anton Phillips, watch manager, said: "... The watering can fitted like a glove around Ted's head and great care had to be taken to keep the pet calm.
"Thankfully we were able to swiftly release Ted's head and he bounded away safely from his ordeal with no ill effects."
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
The award is given to the passage considered to be the most redundant in an otherwise excellent novel.
Among the nominations this year was my particular favourite - Christopher Rush with this passage from his book 'Will' about the life of the young William Shakespeare:
O glorious pubes! The ultimate triangle, whose angles delve to hell but point to paradise. Let me sing the black banner, the blackbird’s wing, the chink, the cleft, the keyhole in the door. The fig, the fanny, the cranny, the quim – I’d come close to it now, this sudden blush, this ancient avenue, the end of all odysseys and epic aim of life, pulling at my prick now, pulling like a lodestone.
Anne Hathaway’s cow-milking fingers, cradling my balls in her almond palm, now took pity on the poor anguished erection, and in the infinite agony of her desire, guided it to the quick of the wound. At the same time I searched wildly with the fingers of my left hand, groping blind as Cyclops, found the pulpy furred wetness, parted the old lips of time and slipped my middle finger into the sancta sanctorum. It welcomed me with soft sucking sounds, syllables older than language, solace lovelier than words. She pulled my hand away, positioned the prick, slid her buttocks deep into the grass, raised her thighs back high, crossed her legs behind my back, dug her heels into my spine and hauled at me savagely and hard. I fell into her.
Monday, 26 November 2007
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Monday, 19 November 2007
Well - it's a bit like that - which means that - yes - your workmates and friends will look at you as if you're insane!
But that's half the fun!!
On this day - you MUST spend the entire day in costume. And in character.
There are three possible options.
OPTION 1 - UTOPIAN FUTURE - Think Star Trek TNG or Twelve Monkeys. If you've ever seen the way 'Futurama' sees the 21st Century - then that's it!
Your job is to dress in rather anarchic clothing and speak in slang from a multitude of eras.
A few examples - Greet people by referring to things that don't yet exist or haven't existed for a long time. Example: "Have you penetrated the atmosphere lately?" "What spectrum will today's broadcast be in?" and "Your king must be a kindly soul!" - Show extreme ignorance in operating regular technology. Pay phones should be a complete mystery (try placing the receiver in odd places). Chuckle knowingly at cell phones.
The important thing to remember is dress like a crazy person with armor. Black spray painted football pads, high tech visors, torn up trenchcoats and maybe even some dirt here or there. Remember, dystopian future travelers are very startled that they've gone back in time. Some starters: - If you go the "prisoner who's escaped the future" try shaving your head and putting a barcode on the back of your neck. Then stagger around and stare at the sky, as if you've never seen it before. - Walk up to random people and say "WHAT YEAR IS THIS?" and when they tell you, get quiet and then say "Then there's still time!" and run off. - Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell "NOOOOOOOOO" - Stare at newspaper headlines and look astonished. - Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger, along with a phone number and say "In thirty years dial this number. You'll know what to do after that." Then slip away.
OPTION 3 - THE PAST - This one is more for beginners. Basically dress in period clothing (preferably Victorian era) and stagger around amazed at everything. Since the culture's set in place already, you have more of a template to work off of. Some pointers: - Aeroplanes are terrifying. Also, carry on conversations with televisions for a while. - Discover and become obsessed with one trivial aspect of technology, like automatic shop doors. Stay there for hours playing with it. - Be generally terrified of people who are dressed immodestly compared to your era. Tattoos and piecings on women are particularly scary
Sunday, 18 November 2007
Bankei was in the midst of a talk when the priest appeared, but the fellow made such a disturbance that bankei stopped his discourse and asked about the noise.
"The founder of our sect," boasted the priest, "had such miraculous powers that he held a brush in his hand on one bank of the river, his attendant held up a paper on the other bank, and the teacher wrote the holy name of Amida through the air. Can you do such a wonderful thing?"
Bankei replied lightly: "Perhaps your fox can perform that trick, but that is not the manner of Zen. My miracle is that when I feel hungry I eat, and when I feel thirsty I drink."
Saturday, 17 November 2007
Friday, 16 November 2007
Thursday, 15 November 2007
Monday, 12 November 2007
Sunday, 11 November 2007
Saturday, 10 November 2007
What passing bells for those who die as cattle?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries for them; no prayers nor bells,
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs, -
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.
What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hand of boys but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.
Wilfred Owen (1893-1918)